A challenge to ending domestic violence is the silence and inaction of the majority of non-violent people.  Many believe what happens in someone’s home is a private matter.  Unfortunately, this belief advantages the abuser and isolates the victim.  Without a strong and vocal social response, abusers will continue to commit violence unchallenged.

Many are afraid to get involved and avoid taking sides.  Staying neutral, without taking a clear stand against abuse, may signal to the abuser and the abused it is a problem caused by both of them or that the victim is to blame.

This does not necessarily mean confronting an abuser directly, as that can lead to severe repercussions for the abused or for yourself.  But it does mean supporting the victim to attain the safe environment they need.  Once the abused is safe, men have an important role in holding abusers accountable to their behavior as well as confronting the values and beliefs that lead to violence in relationships.

Have you ever been present with a couple when you sensed something didn’t seem okay?  Did you sense she wasn’t able to speak freely?  Ever heard or thought the following?

            “She would just leave if he abused her”

            “I can’t deal with people who won't confront their own problems”

Nobody likes being in uncomfortable situations, but we need to avoid the temptation of giving up on the abused or the abuser to maintain our own comfort.

There are many dynamics that keep a woman from coming forward.  If a friend ever approaches you and says she is being abused, what will you do? (see sidebar)

Besides confronting violence within our circles, we need to use our voice to express domestic violence has no place in our community.  Your expression can take many forms, but without any vocalization we fail to signal to victims that there is support and we fail to signal to abusers that we do not condone their values and behavior.

Sources Referenced

Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?